First, a little background of the situation that I’m in. Two months ago I left my safe secure job as a commercial diver on the salmon farms.  I was doing a camp shift five days on and two days off.  As you can imagine that left little time for my 13 year old daughter or my wife.  The pay was good, but with all of the expenses we were just barely breaking even.  My dive medical was out of date and I had been wearing a very leaky “dry suit” for the past year, all my other gear was also due for servicing as well, my car is falling apart and I had procrastinated on getting a simple oil change for I don’t know how long.

My first week off we went to the city of Vancouver, BC, that’s where are family is, and there was a little business to attend too.  I don’t think I got anything done but it was a nice time with my closest friends and family and I got a lot of advice.

O.k I am set to get to work I said.  The next week it was time to see my mom in Victoria.  It’s O.k I thought I will just bring my books with me and study while I am down there.  Did I forget that I never could accomplish anything around my parents?  And the next week, well, camping season is almost over, I will be able to get some good reading done then.  What was I thinking? we invited my daughters friends, between driving everyone, making sure everybody was having fun, and the noise; peaceful reading time was non existent.  O.k so three weeks down that’s not too bad, where did the last six weeks go, what have I been doing with my time. I know this one! some call it fighting fires.  I have to make sure my daughter gets where she needs to be, do the shopping, the organizing, and sense the stress starts to build yes, the fighting as well. what does that accomplish I ask you? This one I can answer after 6 weeks of experiencing it, nothing, it accomplishes absolutely nothing.

When I was out at work I picked up a book every free moment, there was no computer or gadgets, so it was the books, I didn’t always have to be completely productive with my time, I still got paid. At home however I have not mastered the ability to be completely productive, my computer skills are lacking, my procrastination skills are top notch. I understand through studying the mindsets and the thought process that is needed to accomplish success, the doing, however, when the bills keep coming, when the family has another emergency problem, the doing, that is another story.

A lot of the time our problems come from our thoughts, e.g I said I am going to fall on my face in a speech contest and that is exactly what I did.  I looked as myself as not a good leader; lots to learn, nobody is going to want what I offer; and you know what happens exactly that, however, the only place that happened is in my mind, when I started to listen what others were saying about me (except my daughter of course) that is not the perception of me they got at all.

I find I write notes to my self and affirmations and such, they seem to actually cause me pain when I don’t accomplish them, there seems to be a barrier, that stops me from seeing all that I can be.  It has no problems in thinking about getting back into the diving industry, or the mining or some other job that I would hate, it has no problem with those options.

Please do not misunderstand me here I have had my share of both shitty and good jobs.  It’s not that I am unwilling to work, I love work, however, I have only done one type and that’s being a laborer and the biggest problem with that is not the work it is the mindset, it is the aggravating boredom of  having to be there, and what happens when we are constantly thinking negative thoughts, that’s right, they become the action. Instead of going home inspired full of vigorous energy, we go home tired and depressed, instead of a can do attitude it is definitely a can’t do attitude.

What’s the secret? well I don’t know that now, now do I or I would not be writing this, but I do know one thing, that writing this feels awesome like it’s one more step in the right direction, will it solve my money problems or stop my daughter from being 13? of course not.  However it is one small step to finding my passions to believing that I can live life on my own terms. will there be lots of trial and error? of course, when did we start looking at that as a bad thing.

One thing that I know is that our feeling create our thoughts and our thoughts create our actions.  I’m sure it’s a bit more complicated then that.  Let’s give it a shot for one week, let us only think positive things about ourselves.  Let’s plan our activities with only things that can get us one step further to our goal, and let the world see, what little ol’ wee can accomplish.

Go forth my friends let us conquer.