When I was young I had three fears: water, heights, and horses. My father believed in facing fears, He had me in swimming lessons at a young age. I remember one particular time when I just woulnt get in the pool, that was the first night I went without dinner. I guess that I am more scared of going without dinner, after that night just try keeping me out of the water.
At 11 years of age he slowly coaxed me to try riding horses, by 12 yeayrs old I was riding english style weekly till the adolescent age of 15 when I quit all of my activities, besides boxing I guess you could say fighting was my fourth fear. The other fear; heights, well, he never made me deal with that one, he said that heights is a healthy fear, he would compare jumping out of a perfectly good airplane to wrestling crocodiles; just plain stupid.
With all of my fears, swimming to this day is my biggest rival. I am not really a fan of swimming pools, and I cannot do a straight forward roll to save my life. During the time my father took me to the riding stables for the first time, he also took me to a dive shop where they told me to come back when I was 12 and could do a forward roll ( at that time those were mandatory requirements) Back to the swimming pool I went, I mastered diving off the boards, but still could not do a forward roll, well after practise and lesson after lesson and still not getting anywhere with that bloody roll, I forgot about diving and swam only for fun. Another challenge that I had while swiming was that I would have trouble touching the bottom. I took deep shallow breaths and I had troubles letting all the air out of my lungs, still fearing the deep dark bottom of the pool.
When I turned 18 my father and I walked into the same shop from six years earlier and before I knew it I was signed up for a PADI open water S.C.U.B.A course. I will never forget that first time I used SCUBA in a pool, I was not prepared. I was so used to taking a deep breath while breathing that when it came time to put the breathing apparatus in my moulth I felt constantly air starved. That first lesson I went home in tears (well I was able to hold it in till I went in through the front door) I deffinitely did not think diving was for me. I told my dad that I did not think I could continue with this course, His response was try one more lesson then we will talk. I did and you know what; it didnt go so bad, I thought maybe I could finish the course. The third pool session however, I loved that sense of conquer, the feeling of being weightless, of being like a fish. Over that summer I finally finished and received my open water certificate by the time I turned 19.
For the next two years all I did besides work was dive, talk diving, dream diving, I quit boxing with one too many black eyes and tired of feeling punch drunk.
When I was 22 my father was working and living close to malibu, california. My life at that point was in need of some reconstructing, so when he asked if I wanted to live with him while I worked on SCUBA, I hit the road and went south. Even with all of my phobias and my need to procrastinate, I managed to pass my instructor exams with flying colours. Later however my fears came back and got the best of me. I knew that I wanted to be a great intructor, but I wasent convinced that I had enough actual diving experience or had what it takes, that little demon in the back of my head wouln't keep quiet.
When I turned 26 my wife, daughter, and I moved to campbell river so I could go to school to be a commercial diver, hoping that would give me the experience to feel truly confident. It did, for a minit. There we were in a new town, no money no friends, and that winter was really cold, none of that was good for the confidence, I received my unrestricted SCUBA, restricted surface supply and other tickets despite my lack of self confidence. I then went to work for a contract company that works for the fish farms in tofino, I just barely held on there for 10 months, my confidence up and down.
After leaving the Tofino situation, I bounced through three different dive jobs till I found a dive company that did a little of everything. I was placed on a boat called the Star Venture, it served as the pressure washing boat, this was where I worked for six months till they bounced me around to different jobs and different crews. That went on for another six months. After a year of working for that company I finally got a secure position with a crew and a work schedule that usually had me home at night, which was a very sweet gig which I stayed on for a year til work died down and then it was time to move on. With all of these experiences that I have dealt with, the many situations and different types of jobs, have greatly increased my confidence in my diving. I have come to the realization that there is one more fear that I must conquer before I can be a truly great instructor.
I first heard of toastmasters through Jeffrey Gitomers little book of series. It took me a few years to look into toastmasters. When I found out who to call it took me weeks of staring at the number before I picked up the phone. that demon in the back of my head that I mentioned earlier, hes getting quieter again for the moment, seems like every time I hold still he gets louder, when I knock those metaphorical walls down and begin to conquer my fears he goes away. Heres to knocking down those walls and never stop conquering your fears no matter how difficult or how many there are, one fear one step at a time.
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